From Our Experience: Saying "Yes" Without Family Support
Hello! Andrea here!
I’m the owner of House of White, and I styled my very first bride way back in 2009…I’ve been doing this a while. I’ve come across countless different gown shopping experiences with brides and their families: joyful moments with happy tears and laughter, all the way down family conflicts and hurtful, biting interactions…and of course, everything in between.
Truthfully, when it comes to finding the perfect gown, it’s rarely the gown search that causes stress for brides, but rather the delicate dynamics of shopping with friends and family. I wish I could give every one of my brides a loving and supportive group who showers her with praise and support. But unfortunately, just like at any large family gathering, there can be bad apples that can’t help but spoil the experience. So, based on my many years of experience, I have a few tips for having a joyful gown shopping experience, and how to handle problematic group dynamics.
(You knew this was coming) Keep your group small and selective
Imagine you are shopping for your first home. You’re going from house to house and evaluating which one feels right for YOU. Would you want the input of your aunts? Your sister in law? 6 of your childhood besties? Imagine the overwhelming confusion of multiple opinions surrounding such a personal decision. The same goes for choosing your gown, which is why we suggest only including the most essential voices present when you say ‘yes’ to your dress. Include people who not only understand and appreciate your personal style, but understand YOU, your personality, and how you shop. Only those closest to you will know what phrasing and words could be triggering for you, or how to read your body language. They know when you need space to think, or when you need a little push. Only invite those core people, and bring any additional guests for a subsequent appointment. Your ‘gown reveal’ appointment is a great opportunity, when the big decisions have been made and you’re seeing your newly delivered gown.
When you say ‘yes’ but your group is skeptical
I’ve seen it happen many times. The bride loves a gown, but it’s not the group’s favorite. She’s obsessed with minimalist satin, but the group is all about the sparkle. Or she’s dying to wear a ballgown, but the group is insisting that fitted is more ‘flattering’. As much as I would love to send the group to a time out, we always do our best to proceed and salvage the moment for the sake of the bride. So what to do? Often we’ll pull our brides into the changeroom for a quick pep talk before facing the group. We remind her that this is HER wedding, and just because her gown isn’t the favorite of the entire group, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Your gown is chosen based on your heart and your feelings…not by popular vote. We do our best to help her be strong and stand up for herself, and words can’t describe the inner fist pumping we do when a bride declares “well, I’m saying Yes to this one anyway!”
How to maintain your vibe amongst a Debbie Downer
Typically when a bride books an appointment with us, she’s not just looking for a gown…she’s looking for an experience. But no amount of bubbly champagne, sweet treats or banging playlists can overshadow a member of the group who insists on pouring cold water on the moment. See tip #1 and avoid inviting an “Eeyore” along for the ride. But if that can’t be avoided, you simply have to be prepared to rally. Stay focused on the talk at hand, your purpose, and your joy. Imagine yourself as teflon, and the bad vibes just slide right off of you. Be prepared to politely and directly disagree. “Actually Aunt Karen, I like that the skirt has so much volume! That’s what I’ve been looking for!” “Actually mom, the neckline is exactly what I love about it. I love this.” It’s hard to argue with directness.
Honesty is the best policy
When it comes to gown shopping, you are your best advocate. And if you’re like me, speaking up and confrontation are not exactly my strong suit. However, there’s nothing wrong with declaring exactly what’s going on in your head (and your heart) in no uncertain terms. Your wedding gown is one of the most personal decisions you’ll ever make, so follow your heart and be assured in where your instincts guide you.
Family stuff is tricky, this we know. But our team is committed to creating the perfect, memorable moment when you say ‘yes’ to your dress. Even if family dynamics make that a challenge, just know that your House of White stylist will always be in your corner.
Happy Shopping!
~Andrea
House of White is an intimate bridal experience in the heart of Historic Newburgh, Indiana, just outside Evansville. For eleven years House of White has been a designer bridal shopping destination for brides from Indianapolis, Bloomington, Louisville, Bowling Green, Owensboro, St. Louis, Nashville, Cincinnati, and everywhere in between :)